Post by Jenne on Feb 28, 2005 0:58:54 GMT -5
Ok I am sick of crying and I am sick of people trying to make me feel bad. That game is officially not working on me any longer. I made the right choice in keeping Mikey here at the last tribal council and no matter how bad Kyle felt, I made the right choice for me. Which is what I have done all game. You want to know why? because I played this game for myself. yes that’s right! crucify me NOW if you must but I, lil sweet me, got up the balls to apply for this game. does anyone have a problem that I did it on my own? no one held my hand and helped me tryout for this game. no one was there but me. I signed up for this game BY MYSELF because this is an individual game NOT a team sport! So I am playing this game for myself and if anyone has a problem with that FUCK OFF cause I am sick of anyone telling me I am wrong for playing this game to win. I want to win. Yes I know it’s a sin. but I want to win. in case no one heard in the back I WANT TO WIN THIS MOTHERFUCKINGCOCKSUCKINGGAME! *lets out a sigh* now that we have that little disclaimer off my chest you can all think I am crazy now. but really it has gotten ridicules and I played right into it. Kyle made me feel horrible when I told him he was leaving. well at least I showed him that respect and didn’t blindside his ass. and why did I bother? so he could be an asshole to me? NO, I did it because I cared about him, respected him, and didn't want him believing one thing and being blasted at tribal council unknowingly. I felt I owed him that much. And he crucified me and I let him. I cried a lot last week and I think about it now and I just think it was a waste of my energy. so Kyle left and I was sad and he hates me and who the fuck cares now. I came in this game with 3 friends and you know what if I leave this game with those same 3 friends than I feel successful. Because playing a game like this with friends can be very dangerous. so then what? Taylor got home and found out bout Kyle and blasted my ass. I think he was more upset he hadn’t been warned over anything else and I knew he would be. but honestly I wasn’t gonna call him up and tell him. we have never had the kind of relationship where I just call him out of the blue to chat. he found out when he needed to when he came back and started playing the game again. He wanted an apology and I gave him one. I didn’t do it to screw with him and he understood that. so then we get our treemail and the challenge is all about romance. Well I don't necessarily know shit about writing romance but I was voted "Most likely to be a romance novelist" in my high school senior polls and my senior class must have known something I didn’t at the time. LOL. I knew the only way MY final 4 was gonna be the ACTUAL f4 was for me to win this challenge. I really knew it was up to me. I knew it would be between Ellie and myself and I prayed I would edge her out though I doubted I could. And there it was. A freakn Tie! I was soooo nervous going into the tiebreaker because I knew I was playing for Mikey, Taylor, and Beth when I entered that chat room. The only way for all four of us to make the f4 was for me to beat Ellie. I was determined, focused, and nervous as all hell. My hands shook as I put the puzzle together and furiously began counting hearts. I have to give credit to my brain on this one cause I swore I missed some hearts and didn’t know if the partial ones counted or not but I just tried to count every single one as fast as I could as accurately as I could and figured I would at least be close enough to guess from there. Ellie had made several tries and failed and I popped back into the chat after missing the "partial hearts count" notice, gave my answer, and low and behold I was RIGHT! I could barely speak or appreciate what that meant! I did it! I wanted to win this one more than any other challenge all game and I did it. I told you I always get what I want It’s tough to beat me when I set my mind to it because I have a will that can not be stopped. So I won immunity ensuring my friends and I would make up the final episode of this game. Ellie immediately asked me if I was voting for her and again, same as Kyle, out of respect for her, I told her the truth, that I was. After she proceeded to make me feel like dirt, like an evil vicious person, deserving of spite and ridicule, I had had enough. I just was not willing to be shat on one more minute. I gave it right back to her. Did she really think she was innocent in all this? That she was not playing the same game I was? Why should I be made to feel bad simply because I was the one who played this game the best and held the power? I told her I would not allow her to shit all over me any longer and that if she wanted to be my friend that choice was hers but I simply wasn't gonna put up with her crap any longer. I said it nice of course but that was the jist of it. I think I made my point and we agreed not to talk about the game any longer. which may be the end of our friendship, time will tell. I do know she is working her tail off to convince Taylor and Mikey to vote off Gracie but the girlie is just out of her league. This four has gone through a lot and there is no way Ellie can break through at this point at least not by targeting Gracie. She is just spinning her wheels and they are humoring her. To be honest I am happy they are toying with her because I know her and that will just piss her off. I thought I had lost her vote completely but am feeling it may be possible to salvage it at this point….possibly! At least I was honest to her!
So now I am looking at sitting in the final 4 with three true friends. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Depending on immunity, Taylor or Mikey will go next. Gracie and I have yet to make up our mind on that one. We have gone back and forth. But the two of us will not turn on each other, leaving the two guys on opposing ends. At this point it is safe to say that Gracie and I will be in the f3 which ensures at least one of us will be in the f2. If either of us win the final challenge, the two of us will be sitting in the hot seat together facing the jury which would be the closure to this game that I needed. If it is Taylor who wins the final challenge I believe he will take me to the f2. Mikey I am not so sure of though I have an inkling Gracie may tell him to take me. Mikey will take whoever he thinks he could beat though. At this point though, I have a great shot of making the final two. Winning may be a lot harder than I expected. I know I should win this game. it may seem really pompous and conceited but I feel I have controlled this game from start to finish and if things are to end as they should, I will be the winner of this game. I know juries however and they don’t necessarily see things objectively and of course neither do I. But I was never in danger in this game since I turned the first vote around and have chosen the boot or at least approved of the boot EVERY single time. Every person I have voted for has gone. I think sitting next to Gracie will be interesting because we did play this game together and were so similar in our strategies it will be tough for the jury to chose between the two us, especially because we pissed off the same people. They will be so pissed off that they HAVE to vote for one of the two of us. I want to win but I can live with Gracie winning. It should be an interesting final tribal council. I am just hoping to be in the f2 and not on the jury. I have gone over in my head what to say at the final tribal council and never once has my thoughts been what my jury question would be. If I do find myself on the jury I will be completely unprepared because this entire game I have been preparing to face the jury I chose and work my magic with words and persuasion to compel the jury to vote for me as the winner of survivor holidays. Cross your fingers for me wouldja?
So now I am looking at sitting in the final 4 with three true friends. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Depending on immunity, Taylor or Mikey will go next. Gracie and I have yet to make up our mind on that one. We have gone back and forth. But the two of us will not turn on each other, leaving the two guys on opposing ends. At this point it is safe to say that Gracie and I will be in the f3 which ensures at least one of us will be in the f2. If either of us win the final challenge, the two of us will be sitting in the hot seat together facing the jury which would be the closure to this game that I needed. If it is Taylor who wins the final challenge I believe he will take me to the f2. Mikey I am not so sure of though I have an inkling Gracie may tell him to take me. Mikey will take whoever he thinks he could beat though. At this point though, I have a great shot of making the final two. Winning may be a lot harder than I expected. I know I should win this game. it may seem really pompous and conceited but I feel I have controlled this game from start to finish and if things are to end as they should, I will be the winner of this game. I know juries however and they don’t necessarily see things objectively and of course neither do I. But I was never in danger in this game since I turned the first vote around and have chosen the boot or at least approved of the boot EVERY single time. Every person I have voted for has gone. I think sitting next to Gracie will be interesting because we did play this game together and were so similar in our strategies it will be tough for the jury to chose between the two us, especially because we pissed off the same people. They will be so pissed off that they HAVE to vote for one of the two of us. I want to win but I can live with Gracie winning. It should be an interesting final tribal council. I am just hoping to be in the f2 and not on the jury. I have gone over in my head what to say at the final tribal council and never once has my thoughts been what my jury question would be. If I do find myself on the jury I will be completely unprepared because this entire game I have been preparing to face the jury I chose and work my magic with words and persuasion to compel the jury to vote for me as the winner of survivor holidays. Cross your fingers for me wouldja?