Episode 13 confessionals

[Kyle]

It's been an in interesting yet very quiet past several days around tribe Orleans. I finished the number 11 challenge late Thursday night so I didn't have to worry about anything game related all weekend. Just checked in a couple of times to make sure nothing drastic had happened or changed. After Lucas won immunity it was no surprise that Annette got the boot because she was actually planned for the last TC except that Steve had to go nutso on us. Another things that wasn't a great shocker was that guess who got the floating foats.

Hmmm.....could it be.....KYLE? What the heck? Why me of all the people left? Jennie and Gracie are the ones lying to Ellie and Annette about the alliance and stuff, and it should be clearly obvious by now that there is an alliance. I just don't talk to them at all. But STILL....there is still Taylor! I'm not saying I want Taylor, Jenne, and Gracie to have these votes against them, but it just stings that I've been the target for 3 TC's from the minority group. Oh well...maybe I should wear it like a badge that I'm that much of a threat. *SIGH* Maybe I am the villian as Taylor and I were talking about.

Well last nights immunity challenge was another kick to the shins as Ellie barely even gave any of us a chance. I mean several of those questions I couldn't have taken more than a couple of seconds to send in my answer to Karen, yet Ellie still won! Yeah....and guess who was the first eliminated from that challenge. Let's see....if Ellie is dominating, then....yeah.....ME! So it was me first, then Lucas. Then Lucas and I had to sit there while she spread the votes out between Taylor, Jenne, and Gracie....keeping them alive till the last of the game. Seemed a little bit fishy to me. No, seemed a lot fishy to me. I even asked Gracie about it......Ok so here are the dynamics leading into the challenge. Taylor messages me with some good news. We are going to eliminate Lucas from the challenge and vote him out on Thursday. Apparantly Lucas is throwing comments toward Gracie and Jenne. So, NOW it's time for him to go. I should be grateful because I've wanted him gone since Mitch left....but I am nothing more than a pawn! I feel like I'm here for numbers. Gracie, Jenne, and Taylor have been great friends to me through out this game and it has been an honor playing with them. But in the back of my mind....I'm thinking that I'm the 4th man out. I am 99.9% sure that Taylor wouldn't do that to me but you never know. I just need to quit being a spoiled brat and be thankful I've made it this far....and they have had my back throughout this whole game. I guess I'm just venting because I wear my feelings on my sleeve. So Lucas it is on Thursday.

[Kyle]

It's been so quiet around here it's almost eerie. Surely it's because everyone's getting as worn out as I am and since there is nothing to do until the next TC, they're all taking time to themselves. I kept to myself pretty much all day yesterday. The only person I talked to was Gracie because when I came out of hiding she was the only one around. Boy has she become paranoid. I've never seen her like this. Never in all the 44 days we've been playing this game. Her being paranoid, causes me to be paranoid. I know the switch to Lucas for the next TC was a sudden change of plans that I was very OK with, but the very mysterious challenge we just had, and the fact that Gracie is freaking is way unsettling. I know that Taylor and Jenne would never go against me, but there is always that slight shadow of doubt. But if all this has been discussed between Jenne, Gracie, and Taylor....and Jenne and Gracie have both agreed that Lucas has been popping off about different things. Then why is Gracie freaking out? Or acting like she's freaking out. All I know is...i've always been this close to winning immunity but just never can quite get there. I want immunity for the rest of the time. I have to at least keep it from Ellie. I really have no feelings toward her since I have always made the intitiative to get to know her yet she still targets me and says she doesn't trust me because we don't talk much. Oh well, I'm tired of harping on that.

I'll just sit her for the next....*pulls out cell phone and looks at the time*...day and a half until I have to crawl out for tribal council. I don't know, maybe I'll see some people walking about camp later on tonight. I should hope so. I at least like to touch base and keep up with what's going on.

[Kyle]

Kyle is feeling a lot better since the debacle of challenge #13. I talked to Jenne for the first time in a while....that always makes me feel better. Although it makes me sad that she and Gracie are having a hard time with the Ellie situation. I know how they feel though, I can empathize. I felt the same way with Ryan, so I know what it's like to feel like a conniving, dishonest backstabber. As for Ellie...I have no sympathy. She's made no effort to get to know any of the guys. She really hasn't put forth the effort in the challenges, even rode the girl's coat tails while we were separate tribes. She just lucked out on this last challenge. She's felt "secure" with the girls so I'm sure she's felt like she hasn't had to do anything. I've made that mistake before in another game. Gotta keep your thumb on the pulse at all times is what I say. That means keeping up with everyone in the game. I've tried to do that, even with the less responsive people like Ellie and kelley. Well Ellie can bawl and squall all she wants but it's not going to change anything unless she blows us away on the next immunity again. I believe Jenne and Gracie both when they say Ellie's break down is not changing anything. And Lucas is still ago for tonight. Jenne also told me that Lucas felt betrayed by me at the Tony TC. Here's what I have to say about that.....ppppfffffft!. I was honest with Lucas then and didn't write his name down.....have NEVER written his name down. He's just too neurotic. He got himself in trouble coupling up with Jamie. *holds up hands* See these? These are clean! Lucas' demise was not my doing. Sure I was the bird in Gracie, Jenne, and Taylor's ear about how Lucas should go before final 5 just in case he wins immunity, but Ellie took the heat off me by winning immunity. Surely Lucas didn't think he was going to get any further than final 5 without immunity did he?

[Kyle]

It never ceases to amaze me how this game can turn on a dime. I got nervous with the outcome of the immunity challenge, I felt better after I talked to Jenne. Now this. Gracie sure did a heck of an acting job of making it look like she was vulnerable. So now Jenne tells me they are voting for me and she can't tell me why. Gracie patronizes me about how awful she feels. Yet they are both going to go through with it. I just don't understand. I don't get it. If i hadn't have asked her, I don't think Jenne would have told me. As far as I'm concerned and looking back throughout the events of this game, Jenne has been playing me this whole time....then tells me what great friends we are. I'm at a loss for words. I can't even express what this feels like. I've been true to everyone left in this game no matter what anyone "suspected". I've hurt a lot of people for their sakes. I want Taylor to win this thing, but if Lucas is the next to go after me, that will hurt worse than anything because it will etch it in stone that I was and always have been the 5th man out. This tribal council is going to be so fun.

Congratulations Lucas. You've managed to weazle your way through I don't know how many votes. But don't think you had anything to do with that. If it wasn't for Jenne, you would have been gone a LONG time ago.